I don’t know how all this come about but it has.
I somehow keep finding narcissistic lovers, or, to be more accurate, they keep finding me.
they tell me that I don’t spend time with them and I don’t care about them and mine and complain all f****** day long about how horrible I am.
Yet, when I meet them, I tell him I don’t have time for a relationship. I tell him I have too much too f****** do to be spending a bunch of time messing with some other person.
Like an idiot, I fall for it when they say, “Oh, I’ll help you” and “I understand” and “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay”.
Usually they go in and do the dishes for 4 hours, use all of my dish soap, and don’t get a single dish clean or put away.
What are they doing in there? I don’t know. I’m busy trying to get through the mass of boxes and b******* that I have to go through that people have dumped on me.
When I get upset because they haven’t done the dishes and spent four hours using all the dish soap without cleaning a single thing, they get pissy and tell me that I’m mean and I’m cruel and I can’t expect them to do things my way.
I have to brag at this point, one actually did manage to help. he brought over some shelves and he put them up and he put stuff on the shelves and he put shelves up on the walls for me.
This was a great help. I managed to barely pass an inspection. This inspection was not the full standards, but at least it helped.
However, he apparently thought that the inspections were over or something because he stopped helping me.
not only did he stopped helping me, he became demanding and whiny that I wasn’t spending time with him like he thought I should.
I’m like, “Dude I have a to-do list that makes a government budget report look like child’s play. What makes you think I have time to spend with you now that there’s a couple of shelves up?”
So, I again get to deal with how mean and cruel I am and how I’m cheating on him and how I’m lying to him and blah blah blah when, in reality, he’s doing all of that to me.
He gets pissy and walks out.
Now, I’m still trying to get through my to do list, still trying to get up to standards so I can keep my housing, and dealing with a broken heart.
Meanwhile, he’s going around telling everybody how evil I am and how I’m the one who f***** up.
I would love to go around and tell people how evil he is but I don’t have time.
Unlike him, I have responsibilities to take care of.
Unlike him, I don’t have anybody that’ll take care of me and pay my bills.
Unlike him, I can’t play the victim just cuz I don’t like what’s going on where I’m at.
You know what, I’m so used to this b******* happening I don’t even cry over it no more.
Yeah, my heart is broke. I thought it was love. Yet, it seems like such a rerun of the past 2 years that I don’t even have tears to waste on it.
Does that make me cold hearted? Maybe. Or maybe it means I’m growing up. Maybe it means I’m just not wasting my time on the children but I seem to attract.
Right now I have been in my apartment for 2 days without any visitors at all. For the first time since I moved in, it feels like home.
My Hope for the future is that I can focus on me and get me the way I want to be before I start playing around with any kind of romance or dating bulshit.
Until next time…