Blaming the victim
He did something wrong. Something that could have been a mistake that could have been worked through. Something so private I don’t have the courage to say what it is.
This act made me feel violated and unimportant. It made me feel like I was nothing. An object.
Then, he gets done and says, “I can’t believe you did that to me.”
He can’t believe I did what to him?
Let him do what he wanted?
He’s offended because I let him do what he wanted and didn’t pretend I wanted it too?
He wanted me to, not only put my needs and desires aside, but pretend they don’t exist?
I should have…
“You should have stopped me.”
When did I take on being his conscience?
When did I become in charge of his actions?
I didn’t encourage or respond to his actions, wasn’t that enough?
When he asked, “Where did you go?” Didn’t that mean that I wasn’t there? That I wasn’t interested? That I didn’t want to?
It’s been a few days since this happened. I’ve thought about it night and day.
The signs are all over the place, if you know what to look for.
Men, by societies unspoken acceptance, are not held responsible for their actions except by law (and that’s not very often or very well). Especially when it comes to their treatment of women.
They are taught to have sex as often as possible with as many women as possible, while women are taught not to have sex until marriage AND make men happy.
From birth women are taught to be in conundrums. We are born into a catch 22 and have to find our own way because not one female is without derision.
If she has sex before marriage, she’s harshly judged.
If she doesn’t have sex before marriage, she’s harshly judged.
If she doesn’t like sex, she’s harshly judged.
If she does like sex, she’s harshly judged.
If she dresses attractively, she’s harshly judged.
If she doesn’t dress attractively, she’s harshly judged.
The really horrible thing is, most of these judgements come from women.
Yes. We women judge and criticize ourselves and each other for not being everything and nothing at the same time.
Each of us wants others to not judge and criticize, but we go around judging and criticizing.
Do we really believe that no one is going to treat us the way we treat others?
It really sucks that this is the way things are, but what can be done about it?
Until next time…