Categories
Love Wrecks

Stumbling, Tumbling, and Falling…

He just ignored me until I threw a fit. Then, everyone thought I was dramatic and crazy.

Okay. So, I spent a week at boytoys house… Er… trailer.

SURPRISE!

My sentiments exactly!

He’d Antagonize Me

He would make comments about me using him. He would mutter about getting nothing for all his trying and say he was talking to himself.

He said, “What a bitch.” Under his breath many times a day and when I called him on it said he said nothing. He said I was making it up.

He would tell people I would do something for them but not talk to me about it or even let me know he said I would do it.

They would come to me and expect me to have it done but I knew nothing about it. Boy toy would say I agreed to it.

What A Great Guy!

He treated me as if I were the plague, while saying he liked my company and wanted to spend time with me but didn’t want to interrupt my activities.

When I asked if he wanted to go for a walk with me, I got the third degree.

Several times I tried to talk with him about the problems we had. As usual, nothing was his fault, he was just trying to be nice, etc…

I asked to be taken home three days in a row and he forgot or didn’t have a jump or whatever.

When I would walk, he would drive beside me pretending to be a good guy who was just trying to explain things to me. He was just trying to get me in the car so I didn’t have a heat stroke.

When He Did Take Me Home…

I managed to find a reason for him to take me to my apartment, but he would stay there no matter what I said or did until I agreed to go back to his trailer.

The last time, it took four hours for me to get him to leave without me.

He wasn’t violent, didn’t even raise his voice. He would just sit there. Waiting. Then, after a while, would ask the same question like it was the first time.

He made me feel like I was losing track of reality. I mean, I was really questioning whether or not I was losing my mind.

Letting Go…

Letting go of boy toy is like trying to let go of a pit bull that’s got a locked jaw on your leg.

I can’t shake him off by arguing and screaming.

I can’t ignore and block him because he just continues and continues. I blocked him for three months and he just kept on.

I have thrown things at him and he left but came back thirty minutes later, needing my help.

I can’t beat him off because then I will go to jail.

I was on a date and had to block him several times (he used different numbers) because he was blowing up my phone.

On the rare occasions he leaves me alone, I’m on edge about when he’s going to start up again and how he will do it this time.

The Set Up

Now, mind you, he has only raised his voice once in nearly a year. His role is the victim and he plays it well.

I’m the out of control crazy woman who is making him miserable while all he wants is to love me and me love him.

Everyone else is the audience. Sometimes, there is audience participation, but they are not allowed to have enough information to make any decisions he doesn’t want them to make.

Current Status And Exploring Options

We are broke up. We live in separate places, not even in the same town.

He is trying to be friends with me but I won’t serve him like he wants. I don’t spend one on one time with him, like all friends do (according to him). Whenever he knows I’m spending time with another man, he texts me all night.

I have started spending time with other men. I’m not trying to find someone. I’m trying to enjoy myself while getting to know another human being.

So far, I have spent time with three men.

One man, I will call him #1 for now, is interesting to me. This one has a bit of a reputation. He is very intelligent and doesn’t hide it. He’s not obnoxious about it, but he is proud of his intellect. However, he’s a bit shady. Thing is, in this lifestyle, who isn’t? I know he’s in business, but I wonder about the deals he makes. It’s not good to ask a lot of questions in this lifestyle, so I do my best to tame my curiosity.

The next man, I will call him #2 for now, owns a business. He’s got a very colorful reputation. He’s interested in more than friends, but doesn’t quite push it. He’s got what they call a head for business.

The third one is a completely new experience for me. He is clean. He has a job. He’s got goals and dreams. He’s sweet and kind. He’s funny. He seems to be understanding, compassionate, and patient.

All three have made comments about their belief that a man should never hit a woman. All three disapprove of boy toys behavior.

What About Cuddles?

In the last two weeks, he’s sent messages through other people.

Basically, the messages are:

If you want to talk to me, you know where I am.

Cuddles

He told me he was moving out of state on the first of September. He was thinking about staying or coming back for me before he disappeared, but I figured that was just some more pretty words. 😒

“Pretty Words – Sounds from a man’s mouth to get what the man wants. The man doesn’t know or understand what these things are, nor does he care. He just knows that the right combination will get him what he wants. Whether it’s money, breeding, or other needs doesn’t matter. What matters is that he gets what he wants with little to no effort.”

Marie Christopherson

Finally, a couple days ago, he sent a hand written note. It didn’t take much thought or time, but it reminded me of the love I thought we had and reopened the partially healed wound he gave me when he left.

The Note:

All of me
All of you
All the time

Cuddles

It has only been a week since I stopped crying all the time. Only three days since I stopped crying myself to sleep every time I’m alone. And I receive this note. This is the second time he left without giving me any opportunity to work things out with him.

No. I think I’m learning that giving a second chance should not be a given and giving a third chance is plain stupid. I’m moving on. I don’t want to reread that chapter, thank you.

Well, that’s all for now. Please be sure to let you know what you think and any suggestions you have.

Until next time…

By Jen Christopherson

Jenna (Jen) Christopherson is a person of dreams, realistic and extraordinary. Her favorite hobby is to read and her passion for writing is unparalleled. As a child, she read a library and then wrote a library.

"In the heart of what is good there is a storm of sinister proportion." As said by the very same.

Nothing is without balance.

Josh Prugle