An associate of mine brought a friend with them when they came over and I felt like Pandora’s Box was opened inside me.
An avalanche of feelings, emotions, and memories flooded my entire being. Reality became a soft background for the earth shattering experience of emotions.
It was total chaos inside my head. Each person, in turn, would freeze. A yellowish green glow would surround them and memories flooded my mind.
Not Just Memories
Not just memories, but the full force of the emotion I should have felt at the time it happened.
- I felt the horror, shame, and guilt of the traumatic experiences of my childhood.
- I felt the love and pride of each of my kids births. I felt the nervous anticipation of getting married, four times.
- I felt the giddy anticipation of birthdays and Christmas for each year of my life.
- I felt the loss of ended friendships and loved ones. I felt the loss of my Dad from twenty-five years ago. I felt the loss of my brother only a few years ago.
- My mind raced through experience after experience, good and bad, major and minor.
This man and I talked about impersonal things and flirted with each other. I didn’t know until recently that I do flirt sometimes. Though not nearly as much as I have been accused of.
Somehow, the conversation turned to the difference between boyfriend’s and boytoys. An hour or so later, I asked him if he wanted to be my boytoy.
During the few days it took to assimilate the emotions, I was barely aware of reality. I operated on auto pilot during this time.
That was when the set up started. This only lasted a couple of months. Then, the torture started.
Basically, he disregarded anything and everything that means anything to me from the beginning. There were red flags but I ignored them because I didn’t recognize why they were thrown.
I know that relationship #3 ended because he lied to me, again. I get so frustrated with people who tell me rediculously obvious lies and these seem to be his specialty. I’m confused as to why he would lie to me about where he went and what he was doing. I never had a problem with anything he did or who he spent time with.
For a couple of days, people would come over looking for him and leave when they found out he wasn’t there.
So much for the theory they came to see me! I’ve written so much about this relationship that I would be repeating myself if I wrote about it here.
What I learned
- Only spend a few hours each week with them
- Keep video calls to a couple of hours each week
- Keep phone calls to a couple hours each week
- Keep texting to an hour a day
- Let them miss you
- Let you miss them
- Keep sexual activity off the table for a few months
- If you set a boundary, stick to it
- You teach people how to treat you by allowing them to mistreat you more than once
- If you don’t have a life, you can’t share a life
- People will always treat you with the minimum effort required
- People will only keep you in their life for as long as you add something to their life
These are lessons I keep returning to. Each time, I refine what is learned.
I think the next relationship shows huge improvements. This one showed huge improvements,too. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had a lot of hard lessons to learn.
- What boundaries are needed
- How to set boundaries
- How to enforce boundaries
- being assertive
- Not being aggressive
- Not being mousey
- Stand my ground
- Allowing myself to hurt
- Not depending on others to take care of me
- Emotional maturity
- Emotional intelligence
- Financial responsibility
- Self care (future blog post)
- Relationship care (future blog post)
Well, I think this post has gone about as far as it can go. Don’t forget to leave any suggestions or thoughts you’d like to share below. I love hearing from you!
Until next time…