We are only going back two years. The four (my memory is faulty here. It may have been only two years. I will have to figure it up) years before that I was single and celibate.
(Side note: Is it okay to say I when there are many in my head? We work like a committee or board of directors…)
I kicked him out because I found out about his extracurricular activities. I had four years clean and sober.
I, quickly, found out about his lack of responsibility and the depth of his lies and ommissions.
I got a ticket for driving without insurance, all the bills were several months behind, and I had to get a shot to cure what was given to me by ex #1.
My court date was coming up and I was the only one caring for my mom. She had a stroke a year or so prior. I was getting all the cut off notices and calls from people he had not paid.
We had given him the money for the bills, why weren’t they paid? This question rolled around in my head like a super ball stuck in a pinball machine.
I ended up having a mental break down. My Mom went to the first nursing home and I went to a drug rehab.
I guess there was no room in a mental hospital or whatever, so they sent me to rehab.
I was there for a couple of months, maybe three. I would have been released sooner, but I had no where to go. I had no income, no home, and no family or friends willing to take me in.
I finally got a place to go and was released about the middle of November, I think. I know it was winter.
I was there for a couple of weeks when one of the neighbors “kidnapped me” and took me to his house.
Before you get all excited, let me explain a couple of things.
One: I had no water. I had no transportation. I knew two people. One was having severe medical problems. The other was my ex.
Two: I was not kidnapped in the true sense of the word. I didn’t know this man, but I had heard of him from several people. This was a tiny community. There was no way you could sneeze without all the neighbors knowing it.
I was talked into going to this man’s house until the weather warmed up.
Everyone has heard of country folks helping people in this way, so I finally agreed to go.
This man has his issues and I have mine, but he treated me very well while I was there. I left because my issues and his issues didn’t get along very well. We are friends and always have been.
I always forget about this relationship when I talk about my past because I knew it wasn’t love and so did he. We never pretended it was anything other than what it was.
This one is hard to talk about.
I was warned about him. I was told of his abusive nature.
I got with him anyway. I believed him when he said he changed.
I didn’t take time to find out the truth.
I didn’t know the red flags to look for.
I look back now and I am ashamed.
It was the abusive relationship right down to the details. I kept going back, just like the after school special shows.
This was the same as the one before, except there was no physical violence. He never touched me in anger nor did he put a hurtful hand on me.
The mental and emotional trauma was equal to the physical trauma of the relationship before.
The difference is that I started having true feelings and emotions. I understand the lack of logical thinking people experience.
This last one baffles me. We had a few major discussions. He asked me to marry him, then started avoiding me. Then, he left a note on the bed and that is the last I heard from him.
I don’t know how to contact him, other than through his mom. I need to get my stuff out of his storage and give him his stuff back.
So, that’s where we are.
Next time, I will go through each relationship and the lessons along with the warnings.
I’m not gonna go through the drama and all that. I’m just gonna talk about things said and done that were red flags and what I learned.
Until next time..